Last time I talked about how a doula can save you precious time and energy. Today I want to talk about something many people may not consider too much. Your doula is your “supporter’s support”.
What does that mean? Isn’t it all about the pregnant mama??
I myself am not a doula, but I have friends who are. And one of these friends once said to me that she saw her biggest role as being a support for the husband or partner so that they in turn could be a better support for the mother.
My husband Ryan has always been my biggest cheerleader in life. Before my daughter was born, we went to every childbirth education class we could find. We took birthing workshops. We had books, apps, & videos. We were educated. Ryan had the desire and motivation to help. He was so excited about becoming a dad. Why would I ever need anyone else?
Bottom line: when D-day comes around, as prepared as we may try to be, it’s impossible to know exactly “what to expect”, despite what the book says, or what our reactions will be. Birth is unpredictable. This is a heavy, literally life-alterning, emotionally-draining marathon. Our partners cannot help but be influenced by our wellbeing. And well, our physical & emotional wellbeing is not always great in childbirth. They’ve probably never been in a situation like this. Even if it’s a second or third baby, every birth is different.
Our dear partners can have the very best of intentions, but honestly no one knows who is going to faint on the hospital floor or if all mom’s hormones will turn her into an angry bear. If the new dad is getting overwhelmed, the laboring mom will have added stress. That is exactly what we want to avoid. Enter the doula. She calms the partner who calms the mama. She may just provide the reassurance that everything is going to be ok. She may offer to give waiting family an update so dad can stay by mom’s side. She may remind dad that he hasn’t eaten in hours and should have that sandwich, but just not in front of his wife. She may whisper to the dad, “tell her she’s beautiful” or “give her that massage we talked about”. Often times it’s the little things that help so much.
Why not just rely on the nurses? Nurses are great of course! I loved my labor & delivery nurses – all of them. But they have shifts and may have to leave suddenly. They’re in and out of your room a lot because they have lots of other patients to take care of simultaneously. Their attention is limited. Your doula will stay with you and you alone. You are her priority. Having a doula is such peace of mind. That brings us to reason #3 – coming soon. 🙂